Iona

Hello my name is Iona. I am 14 years old and I live in Scotland. I have been bullied my whole life for being ‘different’ and ‘not fitting in with the other girls.’ However when it was in primary school I could deal with it becuase I had a lot of guy friends and I didn’t care. But that all changed when I moved to secondary school. In 1st year things were okay, I mostly hanged out with my only friends that was a girl (we can call her H) but she then started to hang out with another girl (let’s call her K). So I went with them until the end of 1 st year but then we got into a fight and didn’t talk. 2nd year was probably the second worst year. At the start I had no friends and the bullying got really bad. I used to sit in a corner by myself and the popular girls would come past and call me name or chuck stuff off of me. I used to be a pretty confident person but they made me feel so self conscious and they made me feel like there is something wrong with me becuase I have short hair and dress like a boy. (Just so it’s clear I am not a lesbian nor am I transgender I am just a tomboy.) I was really shy and hardly ever talked to people I could go a whole day without talking. Half way through the year I started talking to boys I was friends with in primary. This is when everything seemed to be getting better. I was talking more, growing more confident and being a lot happier. I started to play the drums and also stated taking a lot more Intrest in school, ecspeically sciences. Everything was going great that is until I started 3rd year. In 3rd year we can pick our subjects so I choose all 3 sciences, music, maths, English, French, modern studies, RE, PSE, business and PE. In PE we get to choose a sport each term for term one I choose football becuase it is my favourite sport. I was the only girl and all of the boys made fun of me and never passed me the ball or let me go in goals, my preferred postion, I just felt like everything was starting to go downhill again. The bulling started again and I would end up crying every day. Sometimes I would have sucidal thoughts or thoughts about self harm thinking that it was the only way out. We have just gone back to school after the October holidays. The bullying has gotten so much worse. Every single day I get called a boy, transgender, gay or any other names. I find myself crying halfway through my paper round and I go into my bathroom and take a razor but I always manage to stop myself before I do anything. Over this time me and H have stated talking more but no where near as close as we were before. I feel like she only talks to me if her other friends our busy. She never spoke to me or asked if I would like to go to lunch with her the whole time I was alone. Anyway as she is my only friend that is a girl I often talk to her about my problems but she just says it’s not her fault and there is nothing she can do. I am aware it is not her fault but I was just wanting some advice, someone to try and help me. Then she said to me ‘well I can’t help you are always upset’. I don’t know why she can’t understand the amount of bullying I get. When I try to tell her she turns it into a competition and says she has it worse. I am still friends with most of the guys who don’t bully me in my class but I feel like I can’t talk to them about that kind of stuff. The bullying has gotten so bad I was sitting in RE last week and all of the girls started making fun of me. The teacher didn’t notice. The only person who noticed was a boy who I am friends with (let’s call him F). He actually surprised me becuase he kept telling them to stop and making sure I was okay. I started crying at one point becuase they wouldn’t stop but he made sure I was okay and tried his best to get them to stop. I just feel like there is no where to go and no one to tell. I can’t tell my mum becuase she will overreact and probably make me move schools which I don’t want to do. I can’t tell my teachers becuase they don’t do anything or understand anything. If anyone has any advice I could really use it thanks for reading my story.

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One thought on “Iona

  1. Hey. I am so so sorry about what you are going through. I really wish I was there to help. So I’ll help here. When they start bullying you, look them in the eyes and say that their opinion of you doesn’t matter. The only opinions that matter are the ones of the people who care about you. Everyday look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am strong. They don’t matter, and someday I’m gonna end up way better than they ever will” You are strong, have a heart of gold and a spine of steel. People in the most unlikely places may actually be the ones who truly care about you. Because light can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light. (I am so sorry I HAD to) Things WILL get better in the future and after you ride out this storm you might be one of the people who shape this world for the better. I hope everything gets better for you

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