Anonymous

I don’t really know where to start so…here goes…
I’ve always been able to balance my girly and tomboy interests. I used to like dresses and dolls but I also played with my brother and his friends (sword fighting and wrestling) and liked it a lot better than playing with the girls my age. And any other girls that had boy interests just get girlier and girlier while i do the opposite. I sort of feel left behind. Also, while reading books/watching movies I identified more with the male characters and usually picked male role models. I took my social cues from my dad as opposed to my mom (I.e. holding doors open for others instead of waiting for a door to be held open for me). I guess you could say fashion and interest wise I was a girly girl and psychologically/emotionally I felt more like a boy.
But recently I’ve felt extremely dysphoric and I really just want to be a boy. I want to cut my hair and wear boy’s clothes and be recognized as a boy, but my dad is too traditional for that. He hates it when I shop in the boy’s department and try to act like a boy. Do you have any advice as far as what to do about that?
Also, this may be the dysphoria talking but I feel really guilty and stupid for all the girly things I did in the past. Should I?
I’m sorry this is so long and disjointed but I just really needed to get it all out. Thanks for listening.

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One thought on “Anonymous

  1. This sounds exactly like what I’m going through right now even up to my dad being too overly traditional and having male role models (like its more, how I like to put it, I’m so jealous of how cute and attractive these boys are that I too want to be a boy and be as cute and attractive as them) . I guess for me the way I console myself is I think luckily I’m a girl who wants to be a boy because although I can only pull off looking like a 12 year old or younger I make a conviencing (forgive poor spelling pfffft) boy but then days I feel girly I can still be a girl. My other thought process is this (forgive me if you’re not one for harsh language) but I can feel, be, or wear whatever the hell I want, if today I want to be a girly girl and claim to be a girl then cool, if tomorrow I want to dress like a boy and claim I’m male who’s going to check down my pants to see if I’m telling the truth? (Sorry PFFFT this was really more harsh than expected //crais)

    As for how I slip around the embarrassment and disapproval of my dad or peers is I try to ease them into what I want. I mean only a few weeks ago my hair was to my waist and I suddenly got the nerve to cut it to just above my shoulders in a slightly boyish hairstyle, the trick here is I made sure to find a style that if I had to, could make girly. My dad was not very happy about my hair cut but I think it eases his mind that I stick bows in my hair though eventually my plan after he’s more use to it is to cut it shorter to finally achieve that exact boyish style I wanted. As for clothes I do the same, I managed to convience my dad that mens clothes are cheaper, better made, more functional (which they are), and ”cute”. So I shop in the guys section but pair an article of clothing with something girly but like my hair plan at some point I plan on being able to wear exactly what I want void of girly outfits if I feel like it that day.

    Sorry this is so long, I hope my rambling helps some?(´・ω・`)

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