Erica

I am 18, almost 19, and done with my first year of college. I have always been a tomboy and I always will be. I play all the rough-and-tumble sports and have always just been one of the guys. I had short hair from the time I was in first grade until 7th. I loved it; it was me. I never wanted to grow it out but I was pressured by everyone around me and I just wanted to be accepted, so eventually I grew it out.
I am not really a shy person, but I have always tried to stay out of the spot light because others were so willing to give me the attention. One day, in the middle of social studies (this was 8th grade, after I had grown my hair out), the teacher was talking, then all of a sudden one of the guys and several of the mean girls started laughing. The guy just looks at me and says “Do you like girls?” in a mocking tone. I asked him what he meant, even though I knew, then he proceeded to ask if I was a lesbian in front of the whole class. It was kind of humiliating to have this happen in front of my peers, but I had gotten pretty used to public humiliation.
I always had trouble with making and keeping friends, everyone thought I was a freak, and all the other girls would stay away from me because they thought I was going to “hit on them”. At the end of 6th grade, I was sick of it all. I was constantly called a freak. My “friends” at the time would message me on AIM and say things like “no one likes you.. you are such a freak.. everyone hates you.. why don’t you just kill yourself.. go dig a grave then die in it” etc. but I was always “okay” with it because each message would be followed by “jk haha lol” and if they weren’t my friends, then who was?
“Is that a boy or a girl?” was heard a lot, and I was constantly told I was in the wrong restroom. I always hated riding the bus. I would get pushed down and called names, all because I was a little bit different. When I was in fourth grade, I had to take a different bus to my grandparents house. There were no empty seats so I just stood there for a second, then these three high school girls in the back seat told me I could sit with them. I was very uncomfortable and squished between them, and I could hear them whispering something about ‘girl vs boy’. Then they asked me my name. I never knew what to say when asked this. I decided to go the safe route and said my name was Eric. This was the wrong answer. They whispered amongst themselves then asked me my name again. I didn’t answer. One of the girls then asked if I was a boy or a girl. I stayed silent. She then said, “ I guess we’ll have to find out for ourselves.” At this point, the conversation had drawn quite a few other kids’ attention.  This is where my memory gets a bit foggy – I remember being held down and someone took my pants off. No one tried to help me. I felt more humiliated than ever.
I never understood what is wrong with people. Why cant they just leave me alone, let me do my own thing, and not judge me. I have gotten to a point in my life where I just don’t care what anyone thinks. I cut my hair short again (and I still love it!), and I have decided to just be the tomboy I am. Although it may be a lonely road, I know that there are others out there just like me!

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2 thoughts on “Erica

  1. I was always considered a tom boy growing up because i was one of the few girls who was always playing sports rather than going to the mall or getting my hair and nails done. However this never bothered because all the boys wanted me on their team which made me feel great.

  2. Hi,im Brooke and im 9 years old and im a tomboy and im really scared because I’ve been looking up stuff about tomboys and movies about tomboys and it seems most of them have a part of life where someone pulls their pants off to see if they are boy or girl.Im really scared thats going to happen to me.Plz tell me how to not let that happen to me.

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